standing aside to watch

-again ,i find myself locked in a cage.i am doing well where i am in some departments of my life but others i have to sacrifice.i'm stuck in a cocoon and sometimes i get restless.this is one of those times.

-i'm annoyed becouse things are costing more than they need to be,so buying decent acessories,and clothes is going to be a problem.i also don't want to force my parents to pay for me to go to the prom becouse i don't like recieving privilages,especialy if i didn't ask for it,it makes me feel undeserving and trapped.Along with that i need to buy art supplies so again,there is the choice between clothes,or art stuff,or make-up and i can't decide which is more important.i want to get a job,but then its hard to find any jobs.Also ,i just know i couldnt keep up with school and work together.....now i'm all depressed again...damn

-I am glad the septa strike is over.i'm fucking pissed off becouse i couldn't gtake my SAT behind that bullshit.the city needs to buy back the public transportation system.do you now how much mney the city will earn?!!ALOT.however the paradox is that we don't even have enough money for that.yeah,thats bad isn't it?well,i know that once i'm rich and famous (i would prfer not to have the fame...) i will help people in financial need.now i just help people emotionaly.

-people need love and motivation.love can heal the deepest wounds even though the scars will still be there.i think crazy people need love.the mentaly disabled need love.so do the mentaly insane.and criminals. 

(there is a difference between crazy and insane.insane people are out of touch with reality....ex.thinking a bunny is a wild tiger.crazy people are people who just don't give a damn what happens.ex. i ride my motorcycle over a ramp knowing that i may die but just don't care)

this world is a cruel and we just need more love.i give people love,particularly those who severely need it.this only applies to those who need and want it,and are willing to admit it.

-School work is getting a bit stressful.at this point i cannot devote as much time as i want to writing my book.i now have to settle for one chapter every two weeks.i had two projects and a test this weekend,and i had to sacrifice the test for the two projects becous the projects will effect my grade much more harshly if not done.i have  alot of work to do,and i have to find a way to balance my classes.also ,i have to tell my mom not to take me on errands so much.i am actually making an effort to improve my grades, my chores and stop being semi-antisocial lately.i'm not used to doing so many things at once,but i am happier now that i just don't waste time on anything.i am actually making an attempt to be a better person.

-side note-

my favorite band A.F.I (a fire inside) released their new album,and i am dissapointed.the thing is this,the band changes its sound every album.i loved the band for its dramatic sound and poetic and dark lyrics.lyrics still nice,but the execution was bad.sounds to damn mainstream and doesn't have the dark and emotional sound they usualy have.

at this point i wonder how students find time to have sex,do drugs,party ,commit crime and get pregnant.my schedule is too tight for any of that madness,not that i want to do any of those things.i view all those things as a distraction,and even though i want to chase all the cute guys,the ones worth anything are men and won't date me becouse i'm a kid.damn.

-anyway,i am applying for colleges online.i find that to be much more convenient,than doing it by paper.my mom and i are good at losing things,so i'm glad for online applicatios,plus the fees are waved.

-i am looking forward to starting my life next year with no one in my ear.people's opinion's don't matter to me ,i only deal with facts.